21 years old and still single

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This has been on my heart and mind for quite some time now but I haven’t had the motivation to write about it until some very recent events and being that I turn 21 today it feels very fitting.

 

If you have known me for a while now you may know that I am a very artistic person and that I heal through creating art. While I do that I putting myself up for potential ridicule and judgement, so all I ask is that you be gentle with me as I share this with you. As Annette Messager once said, “Being an artist means forever healing your own wounds and at the same time endlessly exposing them.”

 

I have never actually been in a relationship with someone and I am actually not ashamed of that fact. Yes, I can count the guys I have gone out on dates with on one hand, however, beyond our few dates it hasn’t gone any further because I made the decision to end it. Throughout my 21 years of singleness I have learned a lot about myself through my mistakes as well as watching my friends and family go through their own adventure in dating.

 

This post  is mostly about the last two guys I was seeing, or had a “thing” with is as the kids call it these days.  I’ll be honest, I was lustful for them and that caused me to almost give up some of my morals. I put them before God and in turn I went on a path that was a little bit harder to get out of.  I don’t blame them at all as it’s not their fault they don’t have the same beliefs that I do however, it’s because I chose to not surround myself with godly people and keep myself in the word it caused me to become more open to the world and more susceptible to falling in the world.

 

I write this in hopes that if you are struggling with these things now or have in the past that this will give you some hope that you are not alone.

 

My name is Brittany Nicole Spady. I am a 21 year old gal with the desire to please everyone and receive everyone’s approval. I have learned a lot about myself and others through trial and error. The following three points are just a few of the things that I have learned in my 21 years of life and I feel like they can apply to both romantic relationships as well as everyday relationships.

 

  • Do not let your Identity become him. Especially if you guys aren’t even dating. It is so easy to obsess over someone especially when you are still wearing the rose-tinted glasses and that said person just seems perfect. It is easy to change yourself in order to please this said person. But slow down,  step aside for a moment and take a deep breath and say to yourself: “I am strong and Beautiful…I have gone through many ups and downs and it hasn’t always been easy but it has made me who I am today. I do not need a guy to know that I am beautiful. I do not need a guy to give me affirmation and confirmation. I do not need to change myself to please this guy.” If he makes you doubt this statement you need to end this relationship right away. Sure he may be really good looking  but in the end looks are only surface. Let people know you for who you are not you impressing a guy. In the end, my identity is in Christ. In the end, Jesus Christ will always be there, where as everyone else could potentially fade away.

 

  • If you feel the need to compromise your morals and standards in order to be with him….he is not the one. This relates to my first point very much but more on a deeper level for me. On my first date with this one guy, we went to several pubs downtown on a Friday night. It was great as we talked and walked on the boardwalk. It was actually quite sweet. By the time we got back to his place we had both quite a bit. That being said, I wasn’t fully in control of my senses and before I even knew really what happened things moved very quickly. I placed myself in this situation and I got myself out of it, however it was a place I didn’t want to be in. It actually made me feel so ashamed that I would almost have given up my morals, especially on the first date.  Do not fall for peer pressure. Do not let anyone, regardless of who it is, encourage you to do something that makes you uncomfortable or goes against something you believe in. That person does not have your best interest in mind and only has theirs in mind.  

 

  • If you feel any shame, guilt or anxiety….he is not the one. No one should make you feel anything like that. Being that I am a people pleaser this one is always a little harder for me. If someone I care about is disappointed in me, I will pick up on it. If someone is acting different around me, I will pick up on it. However, in the end, there should be no need to feel shame, guilt or anxiety, those are toxic. If you are in a godly relationship and acting in a manner that represents Christ than there shouldn’t be any guilt, shame or anxiety.

 

I write this, not to say don’t date or guys are bad and go feminism, no I write this because it’s what I have gone through and experienced and I know there are other people out there that are experiencing this and potentially going through guilt. I have learned that just because someone likes you doesn’t mean you have to like them in return.  I have learned very recently that I am not a guy’s emotional toy where he can just play around with my emotions. No, my name is Brittany Nicole Spady and I am daughter of the King and like a butterfly I should not be captured or a bird who should not be caged. God has captured my heart and in his right timing he will give me to someone who he deems right. Until then, I will grow in him as I have so much to learn and with his strength I will not let the world alter my identity in Him. I still have very strong temptations to go back to them and continue where we left off at or to go onto Tinder and swipe right and start meeting with these guys however I know I do not need that distraction nor am I even ready to be in a relationship.

 

So, I encourage you to find a core group of godly christians where you can gain guidance from. Seek God in your quiet times and seek Him wherever you are. This is a time God has set aside for you and Him, don’t let this time pass you by. If you ever need someone to talk to, you can always reach out to me as well (brittspady@gmail.com) and I would love to talk with you without any judgement as I have no place to judge since I have made so many mistakes in my life.

 

With much love I write this,

Brittany

 

 

 

(P.S Check out this amazing song that I feel like anyone can relate to and our conversations with Christ)

Remember to Slow Down

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This morning, as I was complaining to myself about the 16 hour workday ahead of me, I almost missed the opportunity to glance at the passing fog across the lake. The lake was absolutely still as it mirrored the sky beautifully. The fog came out of nowhere and just ran over the lake. I was sitting at the edge of the lake attempting to capture just how beautiful and breathtaking that moment was and just like the fog lifting off the lake, my anxiety for the long day was lifted off my chest as well.

As the days get smaller and I get closer to boarding my plane and starting my year-long adventure in New Zealand, I find that I get more anxious. It is so easy for me to get caught up in the fact that I am not in New Zealand, now. It is so easy for me to forget and simply miss the beautiful sights in Nova Scotia because I am living only in the future. This time before going to New Zealand is a gift to spend with my family and friends and to build memories here in Halifax. Sure, it’s great to be excited about the future but don’t make it your idol where you miss the little presents and gifts that God tries to slip you in your every day life.

Compared to where I used to live, I find Halifax small. You need a car to get around unless you live in the city. I get restless sometimes because it feels so adventure less. Well God gave me a surprise yesterday. I went on a hike with a friend of mine yesterday on a trail system just up my street and this is where we ended up. Fox Lake Overlook. Absolutely gorgeous. Honestly, I could’ve sat there all day it was just amazing. It’s these precious moments where it seems like time stands still that God causes me to slow all the way down and to just look at what He has given me. God has always cared for my family and sure things haven’t been easy at times but we have nothing to complain about. It is this common grace that he gives to us all. 20150925_151443_Pano~2~2

Instead of me complaining about my 16 hour workday that I have today I should be thanking God instead that he has given me not just one job, but two. That I have the ability to work those jobs and that I have a goal that I can work for. And to top it all off, he blesses me with his art work and his creation. What is even more exciting about that fact is that he chooses to share that gift with all of us. Not just me, not just you but everyone. Common Grace.

And so I encourage you, if you are feeling anxious about the days to come, step out your door. Hop on and off a bus you are unfamiliar with and explore, grab a friend and go hiking or unplug your headphones and go by yourself and find a spot to sit and just enjoy the beauty around you because there truly is beauty everywhere. Sometimes, you just need to slow down from your everyday life.

Love,

Brittany Spady
136 More Days!

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